Lashon Hara: Guarding the Tongue in a Torah Life

Words matter.

They can reconcile people who have been divided for years, comfort someone who is grieving, teach wisdom, defend the innocent, and restore hope. The same human faculty, however, can humiliate, divide families, destroy reputations, turn friends against one another, and make a community unbearable.

For this reason, the Torah does not treat speech as morally insignificant. Among its commandments governing our relationships with one another is the prohibition against rechilut—going about as a talebearer among our people:

“You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; neither shall you stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.”
— Leviticus 19:16

Orthodox Judaism understands the ethics of speech within the larger framework of Torah observance. Guarding our tongue is not simply good manners, nor is it merely a later Jewish spiritual practice. It is part of the discipline of living according to Torah.

The Torah Foundation

Leviticus 19 contains some of the Torah’s most important commandments concerning relationships between people. We are forbidden to spread tales, harbor hatred, take revenge, bear grudges, and humiliate others. At the same time, we are commanded to correct wrongdoing appropriately and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

These commandments belong together.

The Torah does not envision righteousness as simply refusing to say unpleasant things. It calls us to become people whose speech is governed by justice, truth, restraint, courage, and concern for others.

The later books of the Tanakh reinforce this Torah ethic. Psalm 34, for example, beautifully expresses the spiritual discipline involved:

“Who is the person who desires life, who loves days in which to see good? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.”

For Jews, passages such as this reinforce an obligation already established by Torah. They remind us that holiness is expressed not only in ritual observance, but also in ordinary conversations.

What Is Lashon Hara?

The Rambam gives particularly clear definitions in Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De’ot, chapter 7.

He begins with the Torah’s prohibition against rechilut. A rachil carries information from one person to another: “This is what so-and-so said about you,” or “This is what I heard about so-and-so.” The disturbing part of the Rambam’s ruling is that the information does not have to be false. He says that even when the report is true, this behavior can be enormously destructive.

The Rambam then identifies an even more serious form of wrongful speech: lashon hara, literally “an evil tongue.” Lashon hara means speaking disparagingly about another person even when what is being said is true.

When someone invents a damaging falsehood about another person, the Rambam distinguishes this as motzi shem ra—giving someone a false or evil reputation.

These distinctions matter.

Observant Judaism does not need to dismiss such categories as unnecessary rabbinic hairsplitting. They are preserved in the Rambam’s codification of the Oral Torah and help us recognize the different ways speech can cause harm.

One person lies about his neighbor.

Another tells the truth about his neighbor for the purpose of humiliating him.

Another carries private remarks from person to person until friendship becomes hostility.

Different actions are involved, but all reveal the same fundamental danger: the misuse of speech.

“But It’s True” Is Not a Complete Defense

One of the most important Jewish insights concerning speech is that truthfulness alone does not make every statement righteous.

There are things about other people that may be completely true and still have no legitimate reason to be repeated.

Someone may have made an embarrassing mistake twenty years ago. Someone may have struggled with a personal problem. A marriage may have gone through difficulties. A person may have said something foolish in private. A business owner may once have failed. A Jew may have gone through a period of little or no religious observance.

The mere fact that we know such things does not give us the right to broadcast them.

The Rambam even includes speech that causes another person financial harm, fear, distress, or other injury within his discussion of lashon hara.

Before repeating something negative, therefore, the question cannot simply be, “Is this true?”

We should also ask: Why am I saying it? Who needs to know it? What good will come from saying it? Am I solving a problem, or merely spreading one? Would I speak differently if the person were standing in front of me?

Those questions can reveal a great deal about our motives.

Guarding the Tongue Does Not Mean Concealing Wrongdoing

At the same time, the laws of lashon hara should never be distorted into a demand for silence when another person needs protection.

Torah does not command us to stand passively while someone is endangered. Indeed, the prohibition against talebearing in Leviticus 19:16 stands immediately beside the command not to stand idly by the blood of our neighbor.

There are circumstances in which difficult or negative information must be communicated. A person may need to report abuse, warn someone of genuine danger, provide truthful testimony, seek responsible counsel, protect a vulnerable person, report criminal conduct, or bring serious misconduct to someone capable of addressing it.

That is fundamentally different from gossip.

The purpose is not entertainment, revenge, humiliation, or the pleasure of possessing damaging information. The purpose is protection, justice, correction, or another legitimate necessity.

Guarding the tongue should make us careful about harmful speech. It must never become a religious excuse for protecting predators, concealing abuse, intimidating victims, silencing whistleblowers, or preventing legitimate accountability.

Torah requires both restraint and courage.

Wisdom is knowing which is required.

Speak to People, Not Merely About Them

The Torah’s approach to conflict is especially important.

Immediately after prohibiting hatred in the heart, Leviticus commands:

“You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and you shall not bear sin because of him.”
— Leviticus 19:17

The Rambam explains that when another person has wronged us, we should not simply remain silent while resentment grows internally. Rather, we should address the matter with the person involved.

This offers an important alternative to gossip.

Instead of telling five other people what someone did to us, perhaps we should first speak to the person who actually did it.

Instead of building a coalition against someone, perhaps we should attempt reconciliation.

Instead of posting our anger publicly, perhaps we should begin privately.

The Rambam goes even further. When rebuke is necessary, he instructs that it should initially be given privately, patiently, and gently, with the welfare of the other person in mind. He specifically warns against humiliating another Jew in the process.

That is a profound Torah model for disagreement.

Correct when correction is necessary—but do not enjoy hurting the person being corrected.

Tell the truth—but do not use truth as a weapon.

Stand for Torah—but remember that the person standing opposite you is also a human being created by God.

Lashon Hara in the Age of Social Media

The ancient prohibition against talebearing may be even more important in the digital age.

A piece of gossip that once might have traveled among a handful of neighbors can now be shown to thousands of people within minutes. Screenshots preserve foolish comments indefinitely. Rumors are shared before anyone checks whether they are true. People publicly speculate about divorces, finances, religious observance, sexuality, mental health, family problems, business failures, and personal disputes involving people they may never even have met.

Jewish communities are not immune.

Religious disagreements can quickly turn into public humiliation. Jews accuse other Jews of being insufficiently observant, insufficiently Orthodox, politically unacceptable, improperly converted, associated with the wrong rabbi, attending the wrong synagogue, or belonging to the wrong movement.

Such behavior becomes especially troubling when cruelty is disguised as zeal for Torah.

We should reject that spirit.

Our commitment to Torah should produce greater humility, not greater arrogance. Observance does not grant us permission to ridicule less-observant Jews. Knowledge does not entitle us to humiliate people who know less. Disagreement does not require contempt.

We may disagree strongly. We may teach that something is prohibited. We may defend our understanding of Torah. We may correct error when necessary.

But there is an enormous moral difference between saying, “I believe this teaching is mistaken,” and saying, “Let me tell you what kind of horrible person teaches it.”

One addresses an idea.

The other may destroy a human being.

Listening Matters Too

Guarding one’s tongue also requires guarding one’s ears.

The Rambam does not condemn only the person who habitually speaks lashon hara. He also warns against sitting among such people and listening to their conversations.

Gossip survives because it has an audience.

A community can therefore change its culture simply by refusing to reward harmful speech.

When someone begins, “You won’t believe what I heard about him,” we do not have to ask for the rest of the story.

When a conversation becomes cruel, we can redirect it.

When someone shares private information that we do not need to know, we do not have to pass it onward.

And when everyone around us is tearing someone apart, sometimes the most Torah-faithful contribution we can make is simply not to participate.

Practicing Shmirat HaLashon

Shmirat halashon—guarding one’s speech—can become an ordinary part of Jewish spiritual discipline.

It begins with learning to pause.

Before speaking negatively about another person, ask whether the statement is true, whether it needs to be said, whether you are the appropriate person to say it, whether the person listening needs to hear it, and whether your purpose is constructive.

When someone has personally offended you, consider speaking directly to them rather than speaking about them.

When correction is necessary, begin privately and gently whenever circumstances permit.

When information must be disclosed for safety, justice, or protection, say what genuinely needs to be said without turning necessary disclosure into an opportunity for unnecessary humiliation.

And when no worthwhile purpose will be accomplished by repeating something harmful, learn the holiness of leaving it unsaid.

This is not weakness.

Restraint is a form of strength.

Building a Community of Good Speech

The goal of Jewish ethics is not merely to stop saying bad things.

We should also learn to use speech positively.

A Torah community should be a place in which people are thanked, encouraged, welcomed, defended, taught, comforted, and praised when praise is deserved.

Tell someone that their work matters.

Thank the person who quietly helps the synagogue week after week.

Encourage the Jew who is learning to pray for the first time.

Welcome the convert instead of interrogating their legitimacy.

Celebrate the person who has begun keeping Shabbat rather than criticizing everything they still do incorrectly.

Speak respectfully about Jews with whom you disagree.

Defend someone who is being unfairly humiliated.

There is no mitzvah requiring us to become professional critics of everyone around us.

A person who becomes more observant should become more compassionate, more disciplined, and more careful with other people’s dignity.

That too is Torah.

Speech as an Expression of Torah

Derekh HaTorah seeks an observant Judaism that is firm about Torah without becoming harsh toward people. The laws concerning lashon hara are a powerful example of why those two commitments belong together.

Torah does not give us permission to be cruel merely because we believe ourselves to be correct.

It disciplines not only what we eat, how we observe Shabbat, or how we worship, but also how we speak about the people around us.

Our mouths can carry Torah or cruelty.

They can resolve conflict or intensify it.

They can protect the vulnerable or destroy the innocent.

They can draw another Jew closer to Jewish life or convince that person that Jewish community is a place of judgment and humiliation.

Guarding the tongue is therefore not a peripheral religious concern. It is part of what it means to become a Torah-shaped human being.

We should speak when justice requires speech. We should correct when correction is necessary. We should tell the truth when others legitimately need the truth.

But we should never forget that another person’s dignity is also a Torah concern.

The discipline of lashon hara asks us to learn the difference between truth that must be spoken and information that merely can be spoken.

Wisdom often begins in that distinction.

And sometimes one of the holiest sentences a person can decide not to say is the one that would have been easiest to repeat.